we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
