Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
