Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
