everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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