just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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