I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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