Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
