I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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