I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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