Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
