i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
