So gin and wine won't be happening again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
