New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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