4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
