you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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