I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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