hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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