Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
