I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
