Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
