apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
