So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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