Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
