I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
