Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
