Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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