so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
