I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
