In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
then he tried to convert me to islam
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
