My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
high people should be assigned attendants
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
