Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im holly from the hills drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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