He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
