Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i think my cat just said my name.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
