god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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