brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
