3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
