can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
