dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
