Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
