I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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