a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize