i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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