my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
