I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
