i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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