oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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