Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
