Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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