I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
