The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
