M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
