are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
