A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
