Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
