Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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