Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
