you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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