i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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