Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
