I think I am morally bankrupt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
