Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
