Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
