I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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