I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize