My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
