did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
another moral hangover. fuck.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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