I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
